19th January 2000 we landed in Pakistan – our origin that became home officially. I was told that life will change drastically and so it did, but Islamabad will always be home. You can leave Islamabad, but Islamabad doesn’t leave your heart.
When my father retired from the Foreign Service, I was fairly young. Born late in to the family, I saw both sides of the coin. The peak and the lows of our father’s career which took us around the world and in hindsight, to some of the most exotic places in the world that are today thriving: Kazakhstan, Senegal and Romania. Greece I guess not so much but ironically that was one country we worshipped back then and if anything the other three have seen more prosperity than the latter – so respect the opportunities that come your way because you never know what they become.
I was born in Bucharest so when my siblings shared stories of having lived in the Foreign Office hostel, I felt no connection whatsoever to the concept of the city of Islamabad. We visited the city and that was about it – we had family there but I wasn’t going to ever need to call it home. That is where we weren’t ready. Representing a country abroad and yet not being able to return to live there is one of the most contradictory themes of being a diplomat. We fail to fit back in to our own countries when it is time to return.
We were so attached to all our postings that when it was announced we are moving back in January 2000, none of us swallowed it well. Well the three of us, myself, Ami and Aboo. Tariq and Farzana initially remained immune to it as they were abroad. Moving back was hard. Finances were extremely tight – austerity measures! We had to start over and adjust to life in Pakistan. I do not think anyone admits it, but it’s a fall from a very idealistic lifestyle – you have everything abroad in different ways. Whereas in Pakistan the politics of adjusting are different. We could have the same luxuries but still, not at the same level. Diplomacy also exposes you to certain circles that you can remain in – you become picky in some ways and forget how to deal with people from other backgrounds easily like those in business and finance. Again a very sheltered approach to life and honestly, in retrospective, very arrogant and limited as well.
As we moved back – I used to ask Ami to introduce me to other families she knew. I was merely 10. I recall once asking her if we can go to a family to visit them and followed up by asking if they are diplomats. She answered no and I swiftly rejected the idea of meeting them. She found this beyond amusing. Her 10 year old daughter only wanted to hang out with like minded diplomats and their children and that was going to be next to impossible!
I will never forget the lessons I learned in my first few years in Pakistan.
1. Ami told me clearly – ‘Saira – we will not be calling on people all the time. Everyone is busy so we have to learn to make our own life here and be happy. Learn to be happy in this house.’ I subconsciously registered this very quickly. I started enjoying our home – I strictly wouldn’t go out on school nights and would enjoy studying and watching PTV (Yes, I did.)
2. The humblest of places will accept who you are more than the pretentious ones – never forget this. Beaconhouse was magical – the kids and my friends all cherished this new kid who had arrived from abroad and I was treated equally without any competition or apprehension. We all loved eachother unconditionally and paid attention to eachother’s stories – there was no filter. I can’t say the same of our so called ‘modern schools’ which I later went to – something was lost there and to this day I honor whatever my classmates at Beachonhouse taught me. The school was an equalizer and taught us all to love each other despite economic differences which to be honest, none of us were privy to. Let’s just say we weren’t phony!
3. Careers will come and go. Jobs we worship will come and go and won’t mean everything other than major chapters. Keep the people you love and let the job sail. It is a big world. We worshiped the Foreign Service and it did a lot for us and to this day I am beyond privileged. There is life beyond that. If you really want to do something with your career, doors continue to open. We must learn to mingle outside our circles and paths. Unfortunately, we learned that a little too late. Diplomats are not always prepared for that.
4. Respect your money. We saw hard times in Pakistan and that will never easily leave my memory. It taught me to respect many things. These include electricity, water, and numerous utilities. They are taken for granted every day. My siblings made fun of me and it was surely annoying how much I bossed them around to not ‘waste’. And I do not care if I get judged. These are privileges in our country and we have to learn to respect and save for a rainy day which I am just now in my 30’s losing a sense of!
5. Home is home and it is an identity. Pakistan is going through a hard time now and I may romanticise what it was for me – especially Islamabad – but that chapter didn’t last forever – 8 years of my life basically. Those ultimately passed in a blink – so I do wish I had enjoyed that chapter more as that was also going to end one day and done more during my time in the country but with limitations it wasn’t always possible. If I hadn’t lived in Pakistan I wouldn’t depsite my British passport now, still identify as a Pakistani first, Londoner second – always.
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